Thursday, June 5, 2008

Wardrobe Malfunctions

While I was avoiding work by exploring my favorite blogs, I found Hulagirl telling a great story that triggered some old memories, which led to more than one stress-busting belly laugh.  You know, the kind of laugh that supposedly makes you healthier.  

Why Denim is now blended with Spandex:
Back in my high school days, my cousin really liked one of my best friends.  So much so that he decided to buy a horse in order to impress her.  A friend of his was conveniently selling a horse, so we went out to his farm to take a look.  I was quite impressed with my cousin's friend...

When invited to hop on the horse behind my cousin's friend, I didn't need a second invitation.  I agilely jumped on just like Tonto would.  Unfortunately, my jeans were just a wee bit too tight for that sort of jump, and announced that fact with a loud "Rip."  And kids, that's why it's important to wear clean underwear without holes, and to always bring a jacket along (to tie around your waist.)  And that's why I love Spandex.  

Why Elastic is Evil:
A few years later I was a college girl, and working in a retail store selling pianos.  That was when retail store clerks still dressed up to go to work.  For me, this often involved wearing panty hose - one of mankind's most terrible inventions.  I've always hated to have anything tight around my waist, and so I developed this unconscious habit of constantly adjusting the hose to a more comfortable position.  I wasn't really aware of this, or the audible "Snap" that accompanied the adjustment, until my musically inclined boss wrote a poem for me at Christmas that year about my habit!  I'm sure I still have it somewhere, I'll have to post it if I can find it.

I saw the light:
A few more years passed, and I was a working girl (no, not that kind of working girl.)  I was teaching a class on auditing computers.  This was when instructors still dressed up to teach.  Because the class was in Atlanta, and it was 90 degrees in the classroom, and I was wearing a very long black skirt, I opted to skip the evil panty hose and almost equally uncomfortable slip. 

What I neglected to notice was that directly behind the projection screen was a full length window, which provided excellent back-lighting for myself and my co-instructor.  The black skirt was no match for the midday sunshine.  My co-instructor calls me "Lady Di" to this day, and says I have great legs.  

Stunning Swimsuits:
I was in the YMCA pool with my daughter when suddenly my one piece tank became very, very loose.  I decided I'd best get out of the water to see what was going on.  Lucky for me our big towel was right next to the pool, and we were pretty much in a corner by ourselves.  A quick trip to the ladies changing room revealed that the fabric (Lycra I think) had just given up, and was now 1) very large and 2) very transparent.  Time to go home!

I honestly can't believe how many wardrobe malfunctions I've experienced in my life, and we won't even go into wet, white shirts.   So -- am I the only one, or do you have a wardrobe malfunction to share?




1 comment:

hulagirlatheart said...

Definitely. I can't even begin to list all the mishaps I've had. Probably the best is the time I wiped out on a water ride in front of dozens of people and surfaced to find that I was walking around with my bathing suit top around my waist.