The Dancing Heart

The screaming episode of a-fib I had last night reminded me of my promise to write more about my experience with this condition in case someone is looking for more information on others experience with this condition. A couple of things I've learned living with paroxysmal (on and off) a-fib for several years and conversing with others who have a-fib.

1. A-fib presents itself with a unique set of symptoms. Some have it and don't know it until their doctor tells them. Some are highly symptomatic when in a-fib. Some people, myself included, have symptoms that vary from mild to extreme.
2. Better eating habits, getting more sleep and good quality sleep, and avoiding alcohol, caffeine, and cold medicines does seem to reduce the number and intensity of a-fib episodes.

So what does a-fib feel like?

I've been in the hospital twice now on an EKG machine with the doctor telling me I'm in a-fib. If they hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known. In both of these cases I was confined to bed and medicated heavily enough that my heart rate was controlled, so it stayed in a 'normal' range of less than 100 beats per minute. So sometimes it feels like nothing at all.

I should mention here that I almost constantly have something called PVC's, which are not a-fib but seem to go hand in hand with afib. These are benign (so the doctor says) but they can drive you absolutely insane until you get used to them. I have about 4000 a day, and have had them since 2005, so I guess I'm used to them for the most part now. If you ever took a CPR class, you may recall that you were told to count one & two & three & four & five... when performing CPR. Well, with PVCs imagine your heart beating along one & two & three......and then there's this pause, sometimes long enough that you feel like holding your breath to make sure you feel if your heart does beat again. And then along come four, but it isn't a normal beat. No, it is a super beat that slams so hard that sometimes you feel it is lifting you right out of the bed. If you are not extremely overweight, you can actually see that beat pop out of your chest sometimes. Needless to say, it makes relaxation a challenge.

By far the worst; however, is being here at home or in the hospital in what I call 'full-blown a-fib.' This typically occurs at night, sometimes before I go to sleep, other times waking me from a sound sleep. At first it feels like my heart is playing on the monkey bars. Remember that bar you hold on to and the flip around? Well, it feels like my heart is doing pull ups on that bar, and then every few beats it decides to turn a flip - whee! Except it isn't as thrilling to have my heart do that inside my chest as it is to have my body turn that flip. Eventually that flip changes to an irregular heart rhythm. No more one & two & three. It's like a drunken sailor is staggering around inside my chest.

Except that no drunken sailor could stagger so fast. When it really winds up, my actual pulse rate will soar up over 100 beats per minute. At about 180, I get shortness of breath and lightheaded. I use some basic breathing exercises to bring my rate down to where I can breathe again. But then it pops back up again, so time for more breathing exercises. Repeat, over and over again, until either the rate stabilizes at a low enough point that I can go to sleep; or I convert back to normal rhythm; or I decide it's time for a trip to the ER. Trips to the ER are thankfully rare, and I'll talk about why in a future post.

Oh, and once I hit that magical rate of 180 or so, another symptom develops. Some of my friends call it the 'big pee.' Yes, just at the time that my body needs me to be still and relax to lower my heart rate -- I start wearing a trail in the floor going back and forth to the little girl's room. If I hit that point, I know it's a really bad a-fib episode and I'm going to feel like h*&% the next day. Kind of like I feel right now.

The next day, my blood pressure is typically low. So I'm too tired to do anything more strenuous than operate the DVR. Sometimes I even watch the commercials because the effort to fast forward just isn't worth it. I have to psyche myself up to stand in the shower for five minutes. Trips up the single flight of stairs in our house require a break in the middle. I often get so lightheaded that I have to elevate my feet to clear the rushing in my head.

Sometimes after an a-fib episode, if I try to do normal type activities, I have a near-faint, which is an awful feeling. If you haven't had a near-faint before, for me it goes like this. First, my head starts feeling extremely full. I get very warm and slightly nauseous. Sometimes if I can get to a sitting position fast enough, it ends there. If not, then my vision starts narrowing. It's like someone is slowly covering my eyes from the outer perimeter inward, until I can only see a tiny little tunnel. And my lips get numb - yep, worse than the best Novocain the dentist can dish out. By this time my feet better be getting elevated above my heart, or I'm probably going all the way out. Lucky for me there's been someone around to help with the feet the two times it's gone this far.

So this is what it feels like to live with a-fib in my sample of one - me. Other describe different symptoms. Some choose to head to the ER at the first sign, others refuse to go to the ER at all. Well-intentioned doctors often tell us that we have anxiety we need to deal with (well duh, after what I've just described wouldn't you be a bit anxious?) or that it won't kill us, never mind the elevated stroke risk. They ignore the impact of feeling 70 when you're 45, the fear of the next episode that ruins your plans for the day, and medications that are sometimes worse than the disease.

So what are the options for an a-fib sufferer - that's up next.

From the Heart

I admit it - I'm a superficial blogger. I've watched with both admiration and consternation as my blogger friends offer intimate glimpses into their lives. Sometimes I've thought about sharing more intimate details, but I'm always held back by the "what ifs." Today's topic is one of those: "what if someday I'm job hunting, and my future employer finds this, and decides I'm too high risk to hire?"

No, this isn't about some wild crime spree or deviant behavior. It's about something potentially worse in an employer's (or their insurer's) mind - health. Yet I know that this story needs to be told, because there are others out there with similar circumstances, who need to hear they aren't alone.

You might recall my prior heart story. A really brief synopsis for those of you who don't want to go back to read it - I had some strange symptoms, for a period of five years or more these were diagnosed and treated as anxiety, turned out I had a hole in my heart.

Foremost among my strange symptoms was a racing, irregular heartbeat that most often occurred around 2AM, often waking me from a sound sleep. My heart rate was often over 150 (this is while lying in bed) and it felt like a psychotic, tap dancing Tasmanian Devil with really bad rhythm was inside my chest.

I now know that this was atrial fibrillation (A-fib for short). If you want more information on this condition, I highly recommend this wonderful website. If you don't, here's the short version: A-fib is the most common abnormal heart rhythm. The only for-sure way to diagnose it is with an EKG. The older you get, the greater your chances of having a-fib. It impacts your quality of life, and it increases your risk of stroke. You can 'have' a-fib without having a heart defect or any other form of heart disease.

I have paroxysmal (some of the time) A-fib. This A-fib can be elusive and rarely seems to occur when there happens to be an EKG machine nearby. But if you have a racing heart for no reason, and the rhythm is irregular, it might be a-fib. To find it, doctor's first have to test for it.

If you are a younger woman, in my experience there is a good chance of getting an anxiety, panic attack, depression, or hormonal disturbance diagnosis without any testing when you complain of a racing, irregular heartbeat. A-fib certainly causes anxiety, and it can also cause depression, and it can be related to hormonal imbalances. In some people anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications can lessen the frequency of a-fib episodes; thus appearing to support the depression/anxiety diagnosis.

A Holter monitor is a non-invasive, relatively inexpensive test. While many report that their symptoms seem to perversely disappear every time they wear a Holter, it does provide successful diagnosis for others. It seems to me a Holter should be an obvious test choice when someone is complaining of a racing heart and irregular rhythm, despite their age or gender.

Why am I telling you this? Because in my case, earlier diagnosis might have led to less enlargement of my atria, and therefore less predisposition to continuing a-fib. Yes, even though my heart defect has been repaired, I still have the a-fib.

More on what it feels like to live with a-fib next post.....

A Lot About A Little

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." I'm not sure who said that, but ain't it the truth. Life has certainly been happening to me this year. Here are a few random thoughts about the year 2010.

The human body can endure a lot of self-inflicted abuse like stress, bad eating habits, lack of exercise, and too little sleep. It eventually catches up with you. Get out from in front of the computer (after you finish reading this, or course) and stretch, each some fresh fruits or veggies, take a walk, breathe deeply. You'll be glad you did.

You can spend a ridiculous amount of money going to the top of the tallest building in North America and stepping out into a box that looks like you are standing in mid-air. But your child will have more fun sitting in the lobby of the Intercontinental Hotel on Michigan Avenue in Chicago learning about acoustics. Yes, in this lobby you can sit in chairs across the lobby (say 100 yards at least) from each other, talk in a low volume voice, and carry on a conversation with the person across they way from you. At no charge, no less.

For all my gambling friends, I have a new pool for you to join. You see, every time Kilowatt goes out of town, something weird happens. Last weekend was the best one yet - he left on Friday night. At 2AM Saturday morning a drunk driver hit a utility pole down the road, and out goes the power. When the power goes out, we have all these things that beep. Loudly. I finally manage to doze off around 4AM. At 4:30, the power comes back on. Cue the beeps. Oh well, at least I should sleep well on Saturday night, right?

Saturday night arrives -- Diva and I are watching a movie when we hear a roaring sound. Since we live in the flight path for the airport, I thought it was just a really big plane. But it didn't get any closer, and the house started shaking. Yes, it was an earthquake. Now NH doesn't get many earthquakes, so what are the chances that the first one I've felt in the 25 years I've lived here would happen while Kilowatt is out of town? Yep, good gambling odds for the house.

So what's next? We've had floods and windstorms. I'm thinking meteors.... Would you like a warning the next time he goes out of town?

Live, from New Hampshire, it's Wild!

I have returned! Yes, I survived yet another semester of doctoral study. I'll have a nice update post someday, maybe. But in the meantime our local paper has had news that I just had to share...

Only in New Hampshire...:

Today, a 'teenaged' moose caused one of the largest high schools in the state to be on a semi-lock down. Yep, teen moose have the same problem as teen humans - the raging hormones make them think in a less than rational manner.

But this isn't all the 'wild' news of the week. Just two days ago we had a similar incident a bit farther south - but this time it was a bear. Since I had two 'teenaged' bears wander through my yard earlier this year (and take down my bird feeder) I can certainly understand why we might not want to have kids near them.

This is why I love this state!

Happy Girl!

Diva has been on a Destination Imagination team since 2nd grade, so yesterday was her 5th competition. For the last three years (since they entered the competitive level) her team has just missed progressing to the state tournament. We've dried our fair share of tears each year as the winners are announced, and twice our team has finished 3rd when only two teams move forward.

This year they picked the most popular challenge, which is both good and bad. Good because with nine teams competing in their division, the top three are moving forward. Bad because the odds weren't quite as good this year as last year with a smaller field.

When two very impressive teams took 4th & 5th place, we were a bit worried. Did we finish out of the top 5? Then came the floor drumroll - and Diva's team once again took 3rd - which this time earned them a trip to the state tournament!

This photo says it all:

O Time, Time, wherefore art thou time?

Something has been stolen from my house. The clever thief snuck in and took it while I was surfing the Internet or something. Because it cannot possibly already be the middle of March, and it can't be Friday yet.

This week was my spring break - no classes to prep for, no 3 hour commutes, just time to catch up on everything I've fallen behind on since December. Last Saturday morning I joyously prepared my to do list for the week, knowing I'd get to mark a lot off of it. Yes, by the time break was over I'd be savoring the feeling of accomplishment that comes with seeing all those items with lines through them. I had 15 items on that list - and 9 days to get them done.

Granted, three of them involved writing 15 page papers. Another is a 40 hour statistics exercise. So these aren't necessarily simple items. But surely at least a couple will get crossed off....

And now it's Friday. Tonight Diva has ice practice for 2 hours. Tomorrow is the Destination Imagination marathon (no, it's not that kind of marathon, it's the kind where you arrive for your kid's activity at 7AM and don't get to leave until 8PM). Sunday chalk us up for 5 hours at the rink. So what's done now is pretty much what's going to get done.

I have two items crossed off my list, but one of them, laundry, has made a mysterious reappearance. That thief who took my time left behind dirty clothes. And to add insult to injury, this weekend we lose an hour - yep - while springing forward 1AM - 2AM just disappears....

So if you see that time thief - stop him - and get my time back. Spring break can't already be over!

Add these to your shopping list....

Things have been quite crazy around here, and I just haven't been able to find time to blog. Until this weekend, when things screeched to a crashing halt. It all started with a really ugly weather forecast Thursday night. High winds, driving rain -- not exactly normal for New England in February. A foot of snow would be normal... Because it was school vacation week, Diva and I were up late watching the Olympics when the storm started. As the first of many 50+ mph wind gusts came through, it occurred to me that perhaps sitting in our family room with windows on three sides and big trees nearby might not be the best idea. So we moved into the main part of the house to read.

A little before midnight I heard the first crash. A peak out the windows showed something might be on fire, but it was hard to tell. The wind was blowing so hard it sounded like the siding was being pulled off the house - we later discovered it was our empty recycling bin that had been pushed about 10 feet, sideways, and into the side of the house. Then came the big flash of light, followed by a loud crash, and darkness.

Kilowatt grabbed an industrial strength flashlight (where does he buy this stuff?) and stepped out onto the front porch. Lying across the middle of the street were the power lines that service our house. I dutifully called to report the downed power lines blocking the roadway. We tried to get some sleep with the constant wind gusts. At 3AM the chainsaws started - turns out there was also a tree blocking the road that the flashlight couldn't quite illuminate. Here's the view the next morning:

The trees took out our power lines, and our cable too. We have a generator, so losing the cable (broadband Internet access) was actually worse than losing electricity! At lunch we headed out in search of warm food and free WiFi. We noticed a lot of trees uprooted just like this one in our neighbor's yard:

After this, I realized I need to add a few items to my shopping list for winter weather survival:

1) Generac generator - no electricity - make your own

2) 5 gallon gas cans - because you have to have something to run that generator

3) Weber grill - because that generator won't run a stove or microwave AND your furnace.

4) Poland Springs bottled water - unless you are lucky enough to be on city water (we are!)

5) Smartphone - so when your cable goes out, you can still get news from Twitter

6) Small TV set, DVD player, and DVD's - so you can respond to "Mom, I'm bored..."

At the moment, cable is back, and we are running on hour 70 of so of generator power. But here's the view outside my front door:

So maybe we won't hit hour 80!

We Pause to Bring You This Commercial Message

This week I've enjoyed watching the posts over at that social networking site where all my friends who live a bit south of here are discussing the panic that has set in as they are preparing for 2-4 inches of snow in Southern IL, KY and TN. One friend is hoping to get enough snow to build a 1 inch snowman, another just wants enough to make snow angels. All have visited the grocery store to stock up on supplies. My dear friend Hula has described the scenario beautifully here.

Meanwhile, here in NH Kilowatt's cousin is just settling in to the NH way of life. She described her Christmas gifts, and most of them involved wool or other heavy materials.

In Northern IL, my brother is tiring of shoveling his driveway by hand as another 8 inches of snow is forecast.

All this leads me to present this commercial message designed to assist you in your shopping for winter related items, detailing the brands I just couldn't live without during our long NH winters.

1. John Deere - you may recall my new best friend from last year. Keeps the driveways clean.

2. Subaru Forester- It may not be sporty, but it loves the snow.

3. LL Bean - outerwear (coats, hats, boots, gloves) - need I say more?

4. Cuddl Duds - think layers, lots of them, that still allow you to move

5. Eucerin - hand creme for serious dry hands (works on feet too)

6. Teavana - because we all need something warm to drink, and not just in the morning.

7. Kleenex - I really don't have to explain this, do I?

8. Ricola - See #7

9. Polartec - soft, fuzzy fleece with a great story (Malden Mills)

and, last but not least....

10. Southwest Airlines - nonstop service to Orlando. So what if it is only 50 degrees there - that's swimming weather!

Holiday Mishaps

I think everyone dreams of the perfect holiday, and yet somehow we end up with a holiday mishap or two that at least make for a good laugh -- often after the holiday is over.

This year has been particularly hectic as university classes ran late, and I just finished grading finals and taking finals last weekend. So I've been doing my shopping a little at a time - that is dangerous, because I tend to buy more than planned .... For example, tonight as I was wrapping gifts I came to the CD that my brother (who is in Chicago now hoping his flight out tomorrow takes off and therefore is unlikely to be reading this before Christmas) had asked for. Both copies of it. Whoops, guess I should do a better job keeping track of what I purchase.

Today at long last I completed addressing Christmas cards and stuffing envelopes. After licking (ick) about 45 of them, I realized I only had enough stamps for 1/2 of the cards. So I picked Diva up at school early so we could hit the post office and the mall before the crowds (yeah right). We walked into the post office and I set the two piles of cards on the counter by the automated stamp machine (so we wouldn't have to wait in line.) I told Diva to take the pile of stamped cards and put them in the mail slot that said "stamped and metered mail." I then turned my back for one minute to buy the stamps, turned back - and no cards! I asked her where the cards were - "I put them in the slot like you told me." So into the line we go, where the postal clerk was fortunately amused enough by our tale to look through the barrel and find 19 cards of the 22 I think I put in without stamps. Some of you won't be getting your cards in a timely manner this year. Diva says it is all my fault as she wanted to stay in the car while I went in.

Last stop - the mall. Just a couple of quick gifts and we are done. We sneak in the back entrance, find a parking place immediately. Looks like pulling her out of school early was a good strategy. We find the perfect gifts and then we're ready to roll. 45 minutes later we made it out of the parking lot. I could have walked home faster.

Tomorrow we're cooking - hopefully we've reached this year's mishap quota. Then again, maybe not!

Simple Physics

Yes, I am working on my PhD. No, I am not a science major. Nor am I a math major. But I can handle really simple physics. Like this physics problem that I stumbled across yesterday.

You may recall back in June we fostered a mama cat, and five kittens were born. Or maybe you recall my talking about how having kittens in the house is kind of like having toddlers. Well, those cute little kittens are now six months old, and almost as big as our adult cats. Unfortunately, one of them has developed the habit of jumping up on anything and everything. He especially likes stuffed animals, so everything in the house with stuffing (including my Pal Mickey) has had to move to the closet for awhile.

So what does this have to do with physics, you ask? Yesterday I heard a crash of falling plastic in my bathroom/laundry room. The room looks like this:

Note that up on top of the cabinet is the plastic insert for my dryer - you know, the one you put sneakers on if you want to dry them in the dryer. I've had the dryer for nine years now, and haven't used that gizmo once, but I still keep it handy in the laundry room! As you may have guessed, Pepper jumped up on the cabinet tops, hit the plastic, and down it came.

I looked on top of the cabinets, but no guilty cat eyes were staring back at me. No guilty kitten ran out of the bathroom. No kitten was hiding behind the dryer. What happened to that darn cat?

Look at the photo again - notice that if the plastic insert tips up the trajectory is straight into the shower stall. And when I moved the hamper in front of the shower door, and opened the shower door, there was a guilty looking, frightened, but thankfully unhurt kitten.

I don't think he'll try that again. Maybe I ought to put plastic launch pads on top of all of my cabinets!

Holiday Madness!

What is it that brings out the worst in my home at this time of year? No, I'm not talking about the people in the house - I'm talking about the THINGS in the house.

Last year, you may recall reading that our waterbed mattress required replacement, so we got two new mattresses (might as well replace them all while we were at it) for Christmas 2008.

This year we decided to treat ourself to a new camera - a digital SLR after many years of camera envy toward our SLR toting friends. We were just ready to hit the 'buy now' button when there was a loud 'pop!' followed by a thunka-thunka-thunka coming from the laundry room.

Kilowatt took my nine year old washer apart, and yelled to Diva, "do you know what catastrophic means?" Uh-oh, this doesn't sound like he's got my washer fixed. He brought a piece of the washer in to me to explain that it wouldn't be getting fixed.

Looks like I'll be getting a new washer for Christmas this year....

December Already!

As you may have guessed from my long absence, things have been busy around here. I hadn't realized quite how busy until yesterday morning. As I grabbed a few minutes of peace and quiet in the shower, Diva yelled through the door - It's December 1 - hurray - I wonder what I got today?

There went my relaxing moment, replace by an "aw h*1l - forgot the advent calendar!" You may recall the masterpiece Kilowatt made from this post - our tradition has been that each day of December, Diva gets some small gift from 'Santa' in the calendar. Of course, that requires 'Santa' to remember to buy those little items, and then to remember that the calendar needs filling each night! (Note to new parents and parents to be: make your holiday traditions lower maintenance than this, you'll thank me.)

I hopped out of the shower, and quickly threw on a robe, wondering how to deal with this. Diva comes running up the stairs and proudly shows me her December 1 treasure - an LED votive (she's been begging for one, really). Whew - looks like Kilowatt wins the parental memory contest. Unfortunately, the only thing we had to put in for today (12/2) was another LED votive. Diva says this morning - "these come in 24 packs - am I going to get one of these every day?" And she wasn't happy about it.

So dutifully off to Target I go... stay tuned for info on the treasures I found!

It promises to be a busy month - we have a band concert, ice skating exhibition, dance holiday show, final exams, company coming, Kilowatt's birthday - ahh, December.

Is my tree up - no, are you kidding?

So until I get around to posting about those advent calendar treasures - here's a photo from last years' dance holiday show. As the tallest girl in her class, Diva often ends up center stage!

I Can't Watch!

Today is a beautiful fall day in NH - so I decided to go out into my yard and snap a couple of pictures of things that you can only see for a few weeks each year.

First, the tree in my front yard (I have no idea what kind of tree it is) has these red things growing on it.

Next, we have lots and lots of these

Anyone who wants to come help with the raking is always welcome!

Then I rounded the corner of my house, and was immediately reminded why I needed to stay inside today:

Yikes! Yes, our garage needed a new roof, and after pricing just the shingles and other materials Kilowatt decided he was the man for the job. But it sure is a long way down, and on two sides the ground is asphalt and concrete.

When Kilowatt (KW) caught me snapping pictures, he said "wait a minute, and I'll climb down and lay on the ground and you can take a picture." Ha Ha, funny.

I remember back when Diva was about 3, KW cut down some trees. Like now, I hid in my office and occasionally looked out to make sure no emergency services were needed. Suddenly there was a 'boom' and the house shook, as the gutter ripped off. Diva yelled "Mommy, is Daddy flat now?" Or something like that.... After determining that the only thing crushed was our gutter, I could breathe again.

So for now, I'm holding my breath, saying an occasional prayer, and trying not to watch.

Oh, and in case you were wondering about that odd shaped garage - no, it will not accomodate either of our vehicles.

Wanting what you got

I received three totally unrelated items in my mailbox this morning. Or are they? The first was a newsletter from the NH Food Bank. The front page article referenced the phrase "happiness is not getting what you want, it is wanting what you get." A nice phrase to start the day on a positive note.

The next item in my mailbox wasn't quite as uplifting. It was an invitation to join AARP. I'm celebrating #45 this month - isn't this invitation coming a bit early? I mean, in this economy I'm all for any discount I can get - except the AARP one. A lousy way to make me realize I'm not as young as I used to be.

The third item was a news magazine called American Profile that comes tucked inside my original hometown newspaper. That gets mailed out to me from Illinois, so it is often a few weeks late arriving. But the cover story, the link to which is provided above, was about working Centenarians. That's right, people who are 100 years old and still working! Now some days I might look at this as a pessimist and say 'great, I've got 55 more years of work ahead of me.' But not today, fresh off my AARP invitation. Nope, I had the optimistic viewpoint of 'I've made it this far and I've got the potential to still be productive 55 years from now!'

Okay, so I must admit in the back of my mind I did think "and it's a good thing, because my 401k still hasn't recovered so I'm going to need a good job at 100."

So how does this relate to wanting what you got - well I'm not totally sure, but somewhere in my mind I have to say that it has something to do with being grateful that I'm still here, and healthy, and doing something I love (most of the time). And that is the essence of wanting what you got, isn't it?

You Can Hide, but You Can't Run

Last year, Diva chose the clarinet to play in band. I have to admit that I influenced her choice a bit. I remember back in my band days that I wanted to choose a unique instrument, and because all of my friends picked the flute, I picked the clarinet. Well, actually, I started with the Baritone, but the fact that the instrument was bigger than me led me to change my mind.

So when Diva came home wanting to play the flute, I pointed out all the advantages of the clarinet. And so she brought home a clarinet. As did half of her beginning band class. It seems the clarinet is the most popular instrument because in our band, you have to play clarinet before you can proceed to the saxophone.

Diva did well with the clarinet. However, the orthodontist and his device of torture have created a bit of a problem because she can't play as well with all the hardware. I spoke with the orthodontist and with her band director, and both assure me she will be able to play just fine with a little practice.

Fast forward to today - band practice. Early this morning, I hear the sound of running feet going down the stairs. Why on earth is Diva up so early? I slowly head down the stairs and brew my morning tea. Then I realize - the clarinet is not where we left it last night. That would explain the running feet.

After I found the clarinet (Diva isn't very good at lying, and let's hope it stays that way), I sent her off to school with the reminder that her band director has my email address, so I'll know if she skips today. I'm hoping that after she gets used to playing with the hardware, she'll enjoy band again. I'm hoping that once she is with her friends, she'll enjoy band again. I'm hoping that next Monday morning, I don't have to play hide and seek with a clarinet....

Toddlers

I have to admit, having kittens in the house is a lot like having twin toddlers. I can no longer work with my office door open, because there are just too many cords and other goodies in here that the babies can't keep their paws off.

And then you have to be really careful with appliances:

Yesterday, the little angels unrolled the toilet paper and emptied the tissue box in the upstairs bathroom. Can you believe this angel face did that?

You can't? Well maybe you can believe that this one did:

The "Eyes" Have it (or not)

When I decided to go back to school to work on my PhD, I worried about a lot of things that I anticipated would be difficult for me. Things like a 90 minute commute, the ability to master the material, the amount of study time required, did I burn too many brain cells in my 20's?

What I didn't imagine was that these were the least of my worries. No, the real challenge was going to school with the eyes of a 40-something. Perhaps nature ensures that we can't see anything close-up in our 40's since we really don't want to be able to see all those 'laugh lines' and 'age spots' that now take up valuable real estate on our faces. Or perhaps it is so it is harder to admire the fact that the hair on our heads is migrating to less desirable parts of our bodies. Whatever it is, trying to read small (or even normal print) with these eyes is a challenge.

My last visit to the eye doctor revealed that my eyes weren't quite bad enough for bifocals. So he suggested picking up a cheap pair of these:

Alas, my eyes aren't quite bad enough to need them, but aren't quite good enough to read without them. So I put them on, I take them off. I put them on, I take them off. I put them on.... you get the picture.

Kilowatt suggested a reading lamp. Because in our house we own a tool for everything, we of course had the perfect one available.

The light works great, but it is really hard to get it adjusted to the right level of magnification. So now I put the glasses on, I take them off. I pull the lamp to me, I push it back. I put my glasses on..... At least I'm getting an upper arm workout:)

This would have been so much easier ten years ago.....

Intolerance

Intolerance: (n) intolerance (unwillingness to recognize and respect differences in opinions or beliefs)

source: http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=intolerance

Wednesday was Diva's first day at school. (Cue Staples commercial "Most Wonderful Day of the Year") As part of first day activities, interested parents sit down to a Q&A session with the school administration. There are 400 students in grades 5-6, and about 25 or 30 parents showed up, myself included.

After the routine questions about H1N1 and cell phone use, one parent expressed concern about "President Obama's speech to schoolchildren." I had not heard anything about this, but I have to confess I was not overly concerned. I'm thinking that it is hard not to have some admiration for someone who rose from relative poverty and a racially mixed background to become president, even though I don't agree 100% with his political views. Isn't that supposed to be what the American dream is all about?

I guess I was wrong. Today I caught the headline over at Yahoo "Parents Angry About Obama Speech." So I decided maybe I should see what these lesson plans that are going to be used to brainwash Diva include. Wow - they want her to listen to a speech and take notes about it. They want kids to develop educational goals for themselves. Really radical stuff. And (gasp) they dare to ask "What does the president want me to do?" and "What would I speak about if I were president?"

Okay, I'll cut the sarcasm now. Will I be likely to agree with everything that is said in this speech? No. I'm sure I won't. Our educational system has lots of problems. I won't pretend to have the answers on how to fix them. I also won't pretend to agree with all the suggestions on how to fix these problems coming from the current president or from the past president, or from the people who would like to have some say in who is the next president.

But I do know that refusing to listen to anyone else's opinion on the issues, looking only for evidence that supports one point of view, and discouraging healthy debate isn't good. And that's what I'm striving to teach Diva. Listen, analyze, and make your own decisions. And part of that decision making process is the ability to understand what it is the person speaking to you wants you to do. You then have to consider what you are told, and decide if it is accurate. This may often involve talking to others with divergent beliefs to see the pros and cons of any point of view. And yes, your peers may often outnumber you in their opinion, and you may sometimes have to be different than your peers with a quiet and calm confidence (aren't we trying to teach our kids this when we want them to abstain from se#, drugs and alcohol?)

EVERY person making a speech is trying to 'sell' you on his or her ideas. We've been teaching Diva to evaluate what people are 'selling' since she was old enough to start asking for things she sees on TV commercials. So I'm not worried about her being brainwashed by this speech. If our school opts to show the speech, we'll talk about it at home. If they opt not to, we'll find it on YouTube, watch it, and talk about it at home. "Stay in school' and 'do your best' and 'aim high' are frequent discussion themes around our house anyway. The speech will provide a teachable moment and as parents we need to take advantage of every one of those moments that presents itself.

I see all this hoopla as a symptom of what is wrong overall with our current direction. Look at most polls about any policy topic in this country (I'm not including opinions about individuals or political parties or elected officials overall) and you'll often see no better than a 60/40 split rather than a hugely dominant majority. We are nearly evenly divided on many important issues. Somewhere there has to be a win/win compromise. Something that satisfies not just what is important to both sides, but also the overall goal to fix the underlying problem without creating new ones. We are a great country with many creative, hard-working people - we can find these solutions - but not if we are all unwilling to let go of our preconceived ideas and idealistic, politically motivated solutions.

Teaching our children NOT to listen to someone just because their political views differ from yours is not the right thing to do. I have no scientific evidence of this, but it seems those same children are more likely grow into adults who get thrown out of town hall meetings because they won't allow anyone else to talk.

I could go on and on, as this politicization and polarization of our country by its so-called leaders really annoys me. I'm not a political person, but I do consider it my civic duty to vote. I rarely speak up about my political views because politics and religion are two topics that are guaranteed to be controversial. But for some reason this situation pushed me over the edge and I just had to comment.

I saw a great bumper sticker the other day, it went something like this:

"when the power of love is greater than the love of power......"

Hmmmmmm.....maybe I'm more idealistic than I realize.

Delay Tactics

Source: www.thefreedictionary.com

pro·cras·ti·nate (pr-krst-nt, pr-)
v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates

{v.intr.} To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.
{v.tr.} To postpone or delay needlessly.

I believe that the fact that I am checking out my favorite blogs, updating my blog, and checking the weather forecast when I have papers to grade (and write) qualifies......

Device of torture

About two years ago our dentist informed us that Diva had a bite problem - meaning she would eventually need braces. Eventually arrived this year.

After taking out a second mortgage on the house and selling everything we own (just kidding, but if we didn't have good insurance yikes!) the orthodontist proceeded to install one of the lovely contraptions - a Herbst Appliance - pictured here:

image: www.braces.com

It started with just the stuff you see under the heavy bar. After that was installed, we had about five days of tears and complaints, and then all was well. I was so happy that it seemed Diva would have no problem with wearing braces.

Oh, but I was a bit premature in my happiness. Last Friday, the final part of the instrument of torture was installed. You know those things that hold up the hatchback in a car? This thing (the solid bar) looks eerily similar to those, just on a slightly smaller scale. Apparently it feels like having one of those in your mouth too. And according to Diva, like the hatchback ran over all your teeth.

I've purchased every possible pain remedy; none have worked. My sweet little girl now wakes me every morning with a growl, a slamming door, and 'this is all your fault.' Her diet consists of milkshakes and pancakes, with an occasional serving of white rice.

I've called the orthodontist several times to ask for advice and encouragement. I'm supposed to convince her to keep this thing on another week, and then all will be better. The alternative is headgear, and believe me I don't see my little angel wearing that for two years!

Oh well, it's off to make a milkshake!