Kids Say the Darndest Things

I think Jeanne C Riley (country singer) is the one who sang that song... "Kids Say the Darndest Things."  Until you have kids though, I'm not sure you can fully appreciate the truth in this title.  

Diva has shocked me a couple of times.  Unfortunately, it is usually in front of some authority figure.  For example, we recently visited the doctor for her annual physical.  Does anyone else's doctor spend more time quizzing the kids than actually examining them?  Question 1:  do you wear a helmet when riding a bike?  Diva answers yes, I smile.  Question 2:  Do you wear a seatbelt?  Again, yes, right answer!  Question 3:  Do you help Mom & Dad out at home?  Diva says "no."  Follow up question:  Do you set the table (no.)  Follow up #2:  Do you help with your pets? (no.)  Follow up questions 3-10 Do you... (no.)  

So the doctor says "what do you do at home?"  Diva says "I watch TV!"  Doctor gives me evil eye.  I turn very red while thinking about the discussion we'll be having in the car on the way home.  For the record, Diva earns her allowance money by cleaning the litter-boxes, helping hang up clothes, and occasionally setting the table and running the vacuum.  

Then there was last winter.  We went on a lovely cruise with some friends for school vacation week.  We visited Tortola and Samana, where the snorkeling was divine and we saw incredible sea life, including a huge starfish up close and personal.  On the ship, we saw a family of acrobats that were spectacular, and Diva got to talk with the kids in the show.  Plenty of wonderful experiences to remember.

The last day of the cruise, we were laying by the pool in the sun.  A lady sunbathing nearby us undid her bikini top to avoid tan lines.  She was a bit older and heavier than your average bikini wearer.  Anyway, something nearby startled her, and she sat up fast, forgetting about the undone bikini top.  You get the idea....

So, on the first day back at school when the teacher asks each child to share something they did over school vacation, what do you think Diva shared?  I was afraid to answer the phone for weeks after that in case her teacher was calling.  

 And then just this week, while driving her to dance, Diva asks me how much someone working at McDonald's makes.  I tell her an amount, and she says "well I'm gonna get the he-double-hockey-sticks down there and get me a job."  After driving back onto the road, I ask her "what was that?"  She gleefully repeats her statement.  I explain that we don't talk like that (at least no authority figures were with us!)  She says "but that's what I heard on TV."  

That settles it - more chores and less TV!